let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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