So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize