Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
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I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize