just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
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there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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