Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize