I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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