i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I met the friendliest cop last night
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize