he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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