God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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