I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just had sex on a roof
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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