i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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