I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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