Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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