Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize