I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize