I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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