I've blown a few things in my day
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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