the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize