i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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