Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
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I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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