im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
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I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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