Just fell off a train. Bad.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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