It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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