and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I seem to have left my pride at pride
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize