I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
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I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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