I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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