If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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