before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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