I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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