is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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