I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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