hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
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He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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