Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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