That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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