She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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