Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize