Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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