Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize