I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
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Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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