before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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