I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize