Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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