everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize