I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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