Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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