Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize