Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize