my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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