I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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