I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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